December 17, 2002 – The Almost Final Chapter
By ADeadHeart | September 11, 2009
(Found the column I was looking for and figured I might as well.)
Ahhhh…how far we have come dear readers. We have been thru 25 years of bliss! I hope you continue to read…there are only one, maybe two, chapters left. And then I will have to rack my brain for a new column idea. Oh the horror!
Speaking of horror…I left you dangling in September of 2001. I have no need or desire to remind anyone overmuch of America’s tragedy. But much of what transpired in my personal life only added to the madness of terrorism.
It’s kind of chaotic so forgive me if I ramble?
Towards the end of August I began to realize that I was becoming rather complacent. That in my adoration of motherhood I was forgetting that evil often lurks in hearts and shadows where no one looks. Or that in contentment we forget about.
We had no court date, no court judgment…it was just me and the evil soldier. And ya know…you don’t get married thinking that eventually, some day, you are going to shiver in fear and warning whenever you think of your spouse. Ex-spouse or otherwise. Anyways, it came down to the fact that he was coming back to the states to get Amy. And I wanted to stop him…but with what?
So once again, it’s early September and my ex husband (Druid, solider and father extraordinaire) spent the night in my house with his school girl acquaintance. I took pictures of his visit here. There’s one of him playing a computer game with my penis person. Funny how I look at that photo now. What a united and friendly front I wanted.
Amazing the little, and yet important, things that are forgotten in the hurry to whisk a sad eyed child away from her mother. Big little things. Like passports??
: smirk:
I didn’t go to work the next day. Or the day after that. Or, well, you get the idea? I was couch ridden. I occasionally got up to pee. Sometimes I remembered to brush my teeth. Gods know what my hair looked like. I tried to call my boss frequently and let her know I was alive. But I forgot to do that most of the time. I wallowed in my misery. My fear. My hatred. My depressive episode. I abhor weakness in all things, especially people. And yet…I was weak. Suffering and probably happy in my own excuses.
The Emergency Room tried to cover my missed hours but it got overwhelming for them I am certain. Wasn’t to long afterward that I got…politely let go. October sometime…but the time line gets confused.
I woke up on September 11th to silence. It was around 11 am and I was clueless to the outside world. I had apparently left the internet…damn dial up anyways…on all night and was receiving no phone calls. I turned off the ‘puter and the phone rang immediately. It wasn’t to tell me that New York City and the Pentagon (how come so many people forget about he Pentagon?) were in flames. But merely a warning from a sick at heart mother….”Do NOT let your daughter get on a plane.” I turned on the television and got bombarded with those images (you know the ones) and scrambled in fear to find Amy…to find her father. To check their flight date. Anything at all…I needed information.
All flights were cancelled…it’s almost as if I was in league with terrorism. Like me, Sadaam and Osama all sat down and figured out the best (worst?) way to keep Amy at home. Where she belongs. Ahhh but remember….the passport was amazingly left behind in the rush to steal a little girl’s affections. In a moment of intelligence I had passed it off to my mother and her husband…who were currently on their way to Mexico…what a wonderful place to put a passport! On a truck that goes all over the country and then some. : grin : Thank the Gods for my few moments of sanity and comprehensive thought.
Ken showed up at my house and demanded it from me. “I am her father, I have custody, you have to give it to me. Waa waa waa.” Bah. Whatever. I didn’t have it to give…funny how that worked out huh? Point one for the psychotic mother.
I tried to file for emergency temporary custody, but the Tennessee judge was stuck in Turkey and couldn’t get stateside to sign the order…yet another wartime complication. It didn’t matter…the Army calls their possessions back to them and macho man kidnapper had to go back to Germany…with or without his precious cargo. And I said without. I demanded without. On September 14th I drove to Tennessee and was to collect my angel in a Denny’s parking lot. He showed up with an empty car. Fear set in. Pulses raced. Tears lodged behind eyes that stayed fierce despite my agony. A mother is always a mother…despite her own pain. I would be strong. I would get my little girl.
And the next morning (McDonald’s this time) she got out of the rental car and ran to my aching arms.
All in all…Amy’s most recent foray to America was in April of 2001…and with a few weeks in September at her Gramma’s house in Tennessee…she has been here with me. She goes to private kindergarten…5 kids in her class. She takes guitar lessons once a week. She is happy and smart and beautiful.
(September 11, 2009 – She is still here with me. Still happy and smart and beautiful. Christmas of 2002 was the last time we heard the knock on the door that I still fear. I am in debt to a terrorist. While I don’t encourage you to look for a silver lining I do encourage you not to wallow in misery today. I’m gonna go play some fucked up songs on the radio though which will make people wonder if I meant that. Cuz I was in the Army and damn it that’s what I do.)
Topics: ADeadHeart | No Comments »